“Our 25 year marriage slipped into a low where we were not communicating or connecting, resentments and lack of trust had built up and we were stuck, not knowing how to rebuild connection or trust, and the resentments were multiplying into a downward spiral and quality of life together was getting worse quickly. We were incapable of figuring out what to do or partnering for a common cause because we couldn't even agree on how to do that or if we should even bother, or what it would look like.
Dara was quickly able to gain an accurate sense of what was going on and why, and was then able to provide us with insights and structure to keep us focused on the tools and techniques we needed to slowly climb out of the rut we were in and get back to a place where we could communicate and share some common goals, such that we were able to breathe a little bit of life and clarity back into the relationship. We have a lot of work to do still, but at least now we can do the work and get some traction out of it, as opposed to before, where all efforts seemed futile.
We were surprised at how perfect of a fit Dara was for our needs. While we didn't do half the homework assignments, we still appreciated that she made those resources available and hand-picked them. Dara was so effective, that we actually didn't require those extra tools, but had we required them, they were there, which meant she went above and beyond our needs.
Dara was unique because, in addition to knowing her discipline thoroughly, she seemed to be able to adapt to our situation and improvise or even innovate some needed things independently. We didn't feel she was applying a template or stuck in a rigid mode of treatment, but she combined elements of proven approaches with her talent and energy to provide the meticulous care we needed.
We also never got that odd "feeling" that the coach is mysterious or forming judgments about us covertly, like a black box. Instead, it felt transparent and collaborative, and Dara made us feel like equals instead of patients; she let us in on the process and made it feel human and open. She didn't come off like a condescending guru and didn't seem to be holding back her thoughts or being manipulative, which is the clichéd therapist/coach.
Dara was down to earth and human, but also really informed, on the ball, with the right amount of energy. She balanced the conversation so everyone felt fully heard, but she didn't force a "balance fallacy" onto the situation or dogmatically revert to a 50/50 accountability. If someone needed to call out, she did it subtly that didn't bring on defensiveness. Lastly, she met with us individually and gave actionable, specific advice that combined cutting-edge therapy with her wisdom, life experience, and instincts. Dara is a budding genius who could save hundreds of marriages and positively impact thousands of lives.
Our marriage could have ended, we were really at the end of our rope, and we both feel Dara's uncommon level of competence saved our marriage. I'm not the easiest person to please because I have an aversion to conventional thinking, simplifications and generalizations, fallacy, and bias. I typically feel that therapy techniques are for the lowest common denominator, and I get frustrated when caregivers don't meet my high standards of reason, clarity, and personalization. So it's impressive that Dara met my weirdly high criteria while winning Denise's respect; Denise and I have different issues and styles of dealing with people and ideas, yet we unified around Dara's approach. I can't overstate how rare this is to pull off.”
