To know yourself is to love yourself, and to love yourself is everything.

There’s no relationship more important than the one you have with yourself. Why? Because how connected you are to yourself will determine how truly right for you every big and small decision you ever make will be. The further away you are from yourself, the further away your life will be from the one you were born to live. You knowing you means you knowing what to do, where to go, and who to be with.

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." —Carl Gustav Jung

What does it mean to be connected to yourself?

To be connected to yourself means to be attentive and attuned to what is going on inside of you, and to know who you are.

At the macro level, this means understanding your own make-up, being aware of the various dimensions that make up your being. Most people’s view of themselves is far too small and their inner focus too narrow. To be connected to yourself is to know there is an entire universe inside of you, and to be constantly discovering new aspects of that inner universe. 

At the micro level, it requires attunement to the emotions, images, sensations, impulses, thoughts, and other responses and stimuli that arise from within. It’s knowing and understanding your own personality, being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, knowing what you need and what you desire as well as what scares you and what holds you back. It’s knowing what makes you you; what sets you apart.

"We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light." —Mary Dunbar

Why is connecting with yourself important?

If you want to spend your life in a way that makes sense for you, if you want to live your own journey, then you need to be connected to yourself. By putting self-connection first, you will make the choices that keep you on your path, you’ll enjoy more confidence, feel more at peace, receive more insights, have better relationships, and, perhaps best of all, you’ll believe in and trust yourself.

How do you know if you are disconnected from yourself?

Some common signs that you are disconnected from yourself and that your relationship with yourself needs attention are chronic self-doubt, low self-confidence, a harsh inner-voice, negative self-image, a pattern of dysfunctional relationships, lack of purpose in life, constant anxiety (whether underlying or fervent), unhealthy lifestyle, and emotional instability. 

In a world where we are encouraged to focus on the life we create ‘out there’ and to in turn neglect the world ‘in here’, many of us are left cut off from our inner worlds and from our deepest selves. The consequence is a continual sense of dissatisfaction and frustration, because even when we achieve and acquire, we are still left feeling empty and unfulfilled. 

This challenges our sense of worthiness, as our self-worth is mistakenly hinged upon external achievement, validation, and recognition. But your self-worth isn’t contingent upon doing or having anything but a connection to yourself. Self-love is unconditional and comes with its own belief system, which is I AM WORTHY. 

To be connected to yourself allows you to go out into the world with the embodied awareness of your inherent self-worth. No energy is spent seeking external sources of inner worthiness. No energy is used up trying to earn your own love. 

The truth is, how far in the right direction you go in the outer world is in direct proportion to how deeply connected you are in the inner world. Are you ready to go deep and discover what’s possible?

 "You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are." —Yogi Bhajan

A relationship with yourself has to be chosen, so that is the very first step. Make a conscious choice (yes, right now!) to begin nurturing your relationship with yourself. Make a solid commitment to setting aside time each and every day for self-connection. Whether that means putting yourself on your calendar, setting an alarm, or writing ‘ME!’ on your to-do list, make the decision to spend time inwardly focused each day. 

6 Ways to Connect With Yourself Everyday

1. Begin Each Day by Checking in With Yourself

Get each day started optimally by spending a few moments noticing how your body is feeling, what emotions are present, what state of mind you are in, what your mood is like, how rested you feel, and then center yourself by practicing a grounding meditation or more simply by taking a few deep breaths.

I like to do this by sitting up in my bed with my spine straight, closing my eyes, and first checking in with myself this way: 

In my body I am noticing (mentally scan from head to toe)…

Emotionally I am feeling…

My mind is… 

I would describe my mood as…

My energy today seems to be...

From there I spend anywhere from 10-30 minutes in a silent or a guided meditation. 

2. Pay Attention to Your Feelings—Especially Your Triggers

Welcome painful emotions as messages about unconscious false beliefs that hold you back. While you might tend to hide your messy feelings from others, you shouldn’t hide them from yourself. When you notice yourself becoming activated, recognize this as an opportunity to bring something about yourself out of the shadows and into the light. 

Perhaps someone corrected you in a business meeting and you felt embarrassed or offended. Rather than getting lost in the emotion or upset with yourself for feeling what you feel, turn toward yourself with a curious spirit and see if you can uncover what deeper fear or belief that feeling resulted from. Maybe deep down you believe that you are inadequate, and therefore anytime your mistakes are exposed, you are overcome by intense feelings like anger or frustration.

This would be an example of a false belief, and it is this type of belief that is the result of early life programming. Strong unpleasant feelings can be tracked to help you arrive at your deeply embedded false belief systems so that you can challenge them and replace them with a true understanding of yourself and who you are. Feelings are a starting point for reprogramming your subconscious mind with loving and compassionate beliefs.

3. Follow Your Energy

Do you ever notice how sometimes when you set out to do something you are energized and enlivened by it, and another thing requires you to mobilize energy to get up and get after it? When what you are choosing is right for you, you will have the energy for it. You won’t have to push yourself or be pushed. 

Connect with yourself by noticing what your energy is telling you. Notice what you are driven toward and enlivened by. What calls to you and lights you up, giving you that inner body “buzz”? What happens when you follow your natural curiosity?

Your energy system, like your emotional field, is an inner intelligence that can reveal all sorts of things to you about yourself and what direction to take in your life. Being attuned to your energy body is a way to internally evaluate whether you are on the right path and making choices that align with your deeper self.

4. Learn the Language of Your Body

“There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy.” -Nietzsche

Your body has a magnificent intelligence of its own and being able to understand what it says to you is critical for self-connection. Noticing ease or obstruction with movement, sleep, digestion, or relaxation is important for recognizing signals that something is off or that all is in order—whether physically, emotionally or spiritually. 

Your body communicates in very obvious ways as well is in extremely subtle ways. Pay attention to what’s happening in your body in different situations. Practice checking in with your body and see if you can hear what it has to say. Try this the next time you are about to exercise and ask your body what it needs—is it calling for a high energy HIIT workout, a brisk walk around the neighborhood, or a gentle yin yoga class? The next time you meet someone new, check in with your body and see how it is responding to this person—are your arms folded and is your body tightening up, or do you notice that your body is totally relaxed and at ease around them.

Make it a habit to deliberately tune in to the sensations you feel inside of your body as well to any changes to the outer surface of your body. Regularly check in to assess what your body is saying, to ask what it needs, and to give it the loving attention that it deserves.

5. Sit and Just Be

I know, I know— this seems like a total waste of time! But it’s anything but a waste. Sitting quietly with yourself for even just 5 minutes a day, no agenda, no goal, is a wonderful way to drop in and feel a few moments of deep connection with yourself. We spend so much time focusing externally or getting lost in our heads. Carving out time everyday to just sit and drop in below the neck, into your heart, body, and soul, and to feel the expansiveness that exists the deeper you settle into the vastness of your being, is what self-connection is all about. 

This is where your truth resides. Here is where your inner wisdom can deliver its ideas and direction to you. All you have to do is be still, be quiet, tune in, and listen.  I know this is likely to bring up a lot of resistance since doing '“nothing” is a big no-no in our culture. Strive to break through this resistance. Finding a connection to yourself and maintaining it through daily practice is a freedom unlike any other, and it is also the portal through which you can boldly and courageously go after whatever it is you would like to experience in your life.

6. Write Down Your Dreams

It is through dreaming that we receive direct communications from our deeper Self. It is through the production of the images and stories that visit us every night that we send ourselves answers and offer ourselves insights, clarity, healing, course corrections, and every now again, foresights. 

Even though dreams can seem totally random and nonsensical, I believe they are actually deliberate and full of meaning. The more interest you show in your dreams, the more easily you will remember them, and the more revelatory they will become. The world of the unconscious is full and dynamic. The journey toward wholeness requires bringing knowledge out of the darkness and into the light to be integrated into your conscious awareness. Dreams can really help you do that. 

Be patient if you decide to begin working with your dreams. It takes time to learn the symbolic language of the unconscious and it requires a bit of study. By paying attention to your dreams, you are forming a relationship with your own soul/spirit/true self and therefore, tapping into the greatest source available for your own guidance and support. 

What About the Voice in My Head?

Notice how I did not suggest that you prioritize listening to that voice that is always chattering in your head—that was deliberate. That voice is not the real you, therefore in order to connect with yourself, it’s not going to help much to listen to it. As you seek to go inward and connect deeply to the world within you, it’ll likely speak up to discourage and distract you. 

It’ll tell you that it’s a waste of time to just sit and ‘be’, that you have more important things to do, that you’re being ridiculous. It’ll pipe up just as you’re about to do your morning self check-in and remind you that you have unread emails you never got to yesterday so you’ll be better off skipping time with yourself—just this once!—and getting caught up with those emails instead.

That voice represents the part of you that you’ve believed yourself to be your whole life. And it has a place—no doubt. But you’re about to discover all the hidden parts of you that you never knew were there, and that old part of you will be a little scared and feel a little threatened. So hear it, but don’t believe it. Instead, keep choosing to venture beyond that voice and the mind, and explore the other kinds of intelligences that are operating within you.

Remember, there is so much more to you than you are currently aware of. Go and discover yourself fully. Spend time daily in the inner realm. Clear away all that stands in between you and yourself. And realize who you truly are.

If you’re struggling with self-love and feeling disconnected from yourself, consider working with me in one-on-one online sessions. I’d love to help you build a healthy, strong, and loving relationship with yourself so that you can feel worthy and powerful every day. Life is short! Spend most of it being the true you and living a life that is truly your own.

Go deep, own your life.

XO,
Dara

Dara is a writer and President of Mud Coaching. She helps individuals and couples from all over world create the extraordinary relationships that they long for but don’t know how to build. Read more about Dara’s personal journey from dysfunctional and struggling in love to happily married and thriving here.