If you've been wondering how to be confident, I've got a strategy that works.

What does it actually mean to be confident? Confidence has to do with self-assurance. Essentially, you need to believe in yourself- in your own character and abilities- to be confident. And to achieve that, you've got to know yourself and what you have to offer. Ultimately, the answer to how to be confident is to be sure of who you are.

When you lack confidence it causes quite a bit of suffering. A lack of self-confidence makes you more self-conscious, and this leads to behavior that can end in self-loathing, like over-sharing or trying too hard to fit in by not being yourself. When you finally figure out how to be confident, you can be present and relax much more in every moment. You'll also have more fun and you'll connect with others more naturally.

Oooh- that sounds good. So let's talk about how to be more confident!

Think of the people you know with the most self-confidence. Notice how they all have some things worth noting in common. For one, they remain grounded and comfortable almost anywhere and with anyone. You can tell they are confident because they are always the same. Their confidence enables them to be themselves in any situation. They aren't concerned with being any certain way. They are simply being. They also spend more time listening than talking- a big sign of true confidence!

But there are three qualities that are less obvious that confident people possess. If you want to understand how to be confident, you must develop these 3 qualities that underpin self-confidence. Once you achieve these through dedicated focus and time, you'll be an example for others for how to be confident! The 3 qualities, once manifest, will naturally make you a more grounded and confident person. 

So let's get started!

How to Be Confident in 3 Steps:

1. Increase Self-Awareness: Becoming clearer on what you value, what strengths and weaknesses you have,  what makes you unique etc. is key to being more confident. Make sure to take time regularly to reflect and get clear on these things. Ask yourself questions such as what am I most proud of in my life so far? how would my best friend describe me to others? when is the last time I felt at my very best? what are my highest priorities in life? when do I most feel like myself? what's something that I struggle with? what makes me different? Because most of us are not excellent at seeing ourselves accurately (only about 15% of people are truly self-aware!), talk to someone close to you and whom you trust and get feedback. Ask them how they see you. Recall things people have told you that they notice and appreciate about you. Write it all down.

2. Practice Self-Acceptance: This is a big one. Once you've gotten clearer on what matters to you, things you've accomplished, and what qualities you possess, practice seeing it all in a non-judging way. Self-acceptance is simply about seeing and acknowledging what is. Think of how you excel and how you don't, and practice just being okay with all of that. Realize that every person has both strengths and weakness, virtues and flaws- and that includes you! Reflect on the fact that each person also has a unique essence, unlike that of any other, and you do too! 

3. Love Yourself (for real!): If you landed on this post because you want to know how to be confident, then my guess is you haven't been loving yourself fully. How do you love yourself? The best way to answer that is to answer how do you love someone?, then simply do all the same things for yourself! Be kind, gentle, caring, protective, affectionate and generous toward yourself. Forgive yourself, make time for yourself, go easy on yourself, and, most of all, trust yourself. Be your own best friend and champion.

The bottom line is, being confident means deepening intimacy with yourself. Intimacy means allowing oneself to be fully known and accepted, and in this case, by yourself. Get to know yourself. Accept it all. Love who you are. And go forth confidently. This obviously will take time and is not a "quick fix" solution to building self-confidence. True and lasting self-confidence takes time, because it requires learning a new way of being with and toward yourself. In the meantime, you can use these "confidence hacks" to help you feel confident when you're feeling low. 

Do you have anything to add on how to be confident? Are you struggling with self-confidence and have a question or comment? I'd love to hear from you! Please post a comment below or email me at dara@mudcoaching.com.

Thanks for reading!